From car parts to medical supplies, supply chain issues have been causing shortages of important items around the world. This week even the words used in the headlines we read every day were hit.
Faced with depleted stocks of their go-to word, "slams", news editors hoping to score cheap points with their audiences in today's polarized, guerilla-warfare, media-political landscape are frantic. "We need to keep the headlines coming fast so people will stay angry. We haven't had time to find a replacement for "slams" yet, so we just leave blanks in there for now and we'll backfill when we can", said a headline writer speaking on condition of anonymity. Some examples from around the internet:
Nelson Mandela's Daughter ________ Meghan and Harry's TV Show
Judge ______ Trump Suit Aimed at Blocking NY Attorney General Probe
Matt Gaetz ______ Trump's Support for McCarthy
French Crash Investigator ______ Ethiopian 737 Max Report
Dick Vitale ______ Possible NCAA Tournament Changes
Justin Bieber ________ H&M
But the blanks have left doom-scrolling smartphone users in a state of confusion over whom the media want them to hate today. Scrolling through headlines on his iPhone with the excuse of catching up on the news, but really trying to get his morning jolt of anger-fueled adrenaline, local schoolteacher Patrick Randolph says the gaps left him wondering. "The missing word could be anything. I mean, it could be likes, or expects, or applauds, or appreciates, or analyzes, or laments, or faces? But it changes the meaning a lot! Nowadays, everyone needs to know whom their tribe is supposed to hate. I can usually rely on my favorite news outlets to stoke my anger and tell me where to direct it. But now I'm lost!"
Faced with a rare situation of a single problem affecting them all, CNN, MSNBC, Fox, Politico, Reuters, NBC and others are working together to resolve the crisis.
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